Is it too much to ask for an unlimited supply of video games and a few cats
only touching your mug each morning that
the thought of them touching another person’s
skin unsettles you. You will walk out the door
with a scarf around your neck and “nobody” in
your mind except the anxiety that haunts your
every step. Passing others on the street, but
never to look up and make eye contact because
god forbid if you see another pair of eyes admiring
yours. You’ll sit alone in class with your head in a
book or your mind lost in music, you’ll look around
to see everybody’s got somebody, except for you.
I mean, who cares anyway, right? People are just
people, they aren’t permanent. They always leave.
At least that’s what you’ve told yourself more than
a thousand times in the stillness of the night when
the only thing your tongue is craving is to taste the
feeling of company. So when you get home you’ll
kick off your shoes and fall on your bed, you won’t
let that one person back into your head. Being
alone is okay, being alone is good, being alone
helps you think. Yet thinking is what is killing you,
suffocating you. You check your phone every ten
minutes even when you know no one has called,
no one has texted. You’ll convince yourself it’s
only a habit, when this habit only formed because
deep down you’re hoping, hoping for someone,
anyone to take away the loneliness.
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
my ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, eliminate toxic feelings and elements and energies from my life, unlearn negative and harmful practices and thought patterns, stop checking for people that don’t check for me, create a space for myself that is nurturing for growth so that i may generate loving energy for myself and for others, nourish my spirit and balance my energies, i have big dreams and i deserve to live a life i love and let that love radiate